Mom...August 13, 2008

Mom Today is the anniversary of my mom and step-dad (Dale)'s deaths. It has been 7 years. It still seems impossible that they have been gone so long. It feels like it was just a few months ago that we were with them. I have very few pictures of Danielle and Mareck with them. Mareck was only 11 months old and Danielle was 3 when they died. Amazingly, Danielle is still able to recall a few memories of her Mimi and Papa although I think they are getting more distant each year. She talks about some of the things they used to do together and looks at pictures. Mareck has no memory of them, which is very sad to me. When he sees pictures and asks me who they are it breaks my heart. Of course, Brock wasn't even here then! I still feel have those fleeting thoughts in my head that I need to call my mom and tell her something. Then the reality of it comes back and I remember that I cannot. I thought this would eventually go away, but so far it hasn't. I am not sure if I want it to go away or not....afraid that I will forget alltogether. Before, when Mom first died, I visited the cemetary a lot. It is much harder now and I seldom visit. We go and do our maintenance that is needed at the grave sites, but it is just too hard to spend time there. I thought it would be therapeutic at first to sit and talk to them, but I think it actually made it more painful. I am not sure if this is one of those events in life that time will heal or if I will always hurt from this. The older I get the more I can see my mom, not only in myself, but in my brother as well. I always said I didn't want to be like my mom, but now I can think of nothing better. She was an incredible person, mother and grandmother.